Hi, if you are looking at this BLOG, it shows you have some interest in Anger and its Control issues for you, or someone close to you. You are not alone, most all of us have some issues with Anger. You are taking a step toward making some positive changes in your, or their, lives. PLEASE remember, Anger is normal, having Anger is normal. Working out your Anger is good, Acting OUT your Anger is NOT! Anger leads to Rage and to many more things, including - ulcers; back pain; and, for those who go to extremes, legal problems with a night in jail, or two.
This blog, my Anger-Online.com website and my Anger Workbook “Get OVER it” are based on my observations of the folks I have seen in my psychotherapy practice in Beverly Hills, in my Court Ordered Anger Management Groups as well as input from individuals who have attended my speaking engagements. I have learned from people who have struggled through the same things you and I have. There is no sense in reinventing the wheel, so take the time to learn from other’s experiences, and have a great life a little more anger free and at peace with yourself.
Each blog topic here will have information explaining Anger and why we have it, what we can do to keep it at bay and how to resolve some of it. I hope that by using the information in this blog space, you will find creative and helpful solutions to some of your problems and issues that have kept you on the edge or created some anger issues for you. REMEMBER again, that healthy folks DO get Angry, but then they reach an Equilibrium quickly BEFORE Anger becomes DANGER.
Anger is one letter short of Danger! It can be a very destructive emotion. No decision or action should ever be made based on Anger. When Danger lurks, back off and chill out.
One moment of anger can produce a multitude of moments of regret.
First and Foremost - Remember since Anger is a normal human emotion. You are not a BAD person, or a loser if you get angry. Everyone gets angry and has angry feelings from time to time. Since Anger is a normal response it in itself is not a problem. In fact, in some situations anger gives us the power to challenge injustice or to make necessary changes in our lives. Anger at a disease we’ve contracted helps us fight that illness. However, at other times anger becomes aggression, AND anger/aggression out of control becomes RAGE. Anger with aggression is usually in response to what is perceived (consciously or unconsciously) to be either a life-threatening situation, or a need to dominate and control a situation.
Anger then, for some people, is not a problem. They get angry, sort it out relatively quickly and then return to equilibrium and to what is their normal state of viewing the world. Usually, these folks have developed simple techniques to quickly calm themselves down by self-talk or other strategies. These are skills which can be learned and practiced in our everyday lives and are addressed in various articles available online, addressed in YOGA and meditation sessions, in Anger Management Classes for instance.
How to talk yourself down, and take control? Well, think of the cheerleaders at a football game. They are there to get you riled up, energized, with threats and chants to “kill the other team, stomp them, beat them and trash them.” They don’t shout things to the crowd and fans like, “Wow, folks, remember the other team is nice, so be kind cuz they’re your friends.” No, they arouse, incite and get you and your team up ready to fight. But when you get peeved, don’t you cheerlead yourself into rage by riling yourself up, take the opposite tactic, go the opposite direction by telling yourself calming, de-escalating things like - “I’m better than this hassle, I don’t need to get into a frenzy over little things.” Calm yourself down with reverse Cheerleading.
Good luck on your Journey. Dr.Gordon